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I have a cold. A chest-wracking, stuffy-head cold. (I have had two COVID tests – trust me, it’s a cold). It started ten days ago. I know exactly when it started, because, much like my luggage, I was tracking it on a daily basis on my trip.

Years ago, Mary Tyler Moore stated that colds are always nine days long: “three days coming, three days with you, three days going”. It was the episode where Ted is her surprise date to an awards ceremony. Now everyone knows that 1970’s sit-coms were the best place to get scientific facts and medical advice (remember Carol Brady’s advice to put an aspirin in the water in a flower vase? Jan does.), so I have hung onto that piece of information for almost 50 years.

I’m beginning to think Ms Richards was wrong – my cold is ten days into its run, with no signs of abating. I am meeting a friend in Edinburgh next week and cannot share my room with someone with this cackling cough hanging over me. It’s so bad that last night Scout slept in the living room.

I hate it when our heroes let us down.

I came back to a very happy, very shaggy, and slightly squiffy dog. I initiated Plan Canine Clean-Up, which as we all know, involves at least three steps: brushing, shampooing, and shaving. It was going reasonably well – I plied her with treats and took my time, but the Sarah Bernhardt of Doodles let me know of her suffering. Oh, God, how she suffered. Seriously, Streep could take lessons from her.

Time to clean up. Ah, here’s where things start to go pear-shaped. Did I mention I had had trouble with my vacuum? But that I thought I had fixed it? Well, the smart thing would have been to check the vacuum before starting the shaving portion of the plan, wouldn’t it? So that was thirty minutes of fluff-plucking (you heard me) that I’ll never get back.

That was yesterday. *An aside: Hoover is arranging for a new vacuum to be delivered – I’m just hoping it makes it before my first houseguest of the season arrives.* When we finished the grooming yesterday evening, and I had gathered up the clumps and clumps of dog hair, there were still a few patches of fur left on the blanket, so I took it out back and shook it out (after checking carefully for neighbours).

This morning I looked out the window – there was a sparrow with something bright white in its beak – didn’t give it much thought. Then, every time I looked outside, there would be another sparrow carrying a tuft of white fluff. (or maybe the same sparrow, or its spouse). Somewhere along the hedges behind our houses, in the shrubbery (“bring me a shrubbery” – oops, sorry, never mind) there is at least one posh, bright, well-decorated and well appointed nest, with eggs nestled in the softest doodle-down bed imaginable.

Scout, you suffered not in vain, you have contributed to the wellbeing of Orkney avians.

A number of people on the boat said the same thing: “So I guess the lesson here is that we don’t really need all those things we pack, do we?”  And at first blush, I was thinking the same thing.

My years of business travel taught me to pack well, and I’m willing to rinse things out in the bathroom sink mid-week.  And I’ve never been one of those people who needs a different outfit for each day or who thinks about the number of nights we’ll be dining onboard and packs accordingly.  I’m a big believer in repeating outfits – in fact, our mother always said you should wear the same outfit for the first two days of a cruise so that people would remember you (she probably read that in some 1950’s How The Rich Travel article in Redbook).

When we used to work a 5-day-in-the-office work week, I remember colleagues who would never show up in the same clothes twice in the same week.  On the other hand, the well-dressed European business woman (in a pre-COVID world) owns one or maybe two suits, three or four blouses, and a couple of good scarves and that’s her entire, lovely work wardrobe.  But I digress.

As I said, I was thinking along those same lines about fewer outfits, but after a few days I thought, no, I like having a range of clothes to wear.  Maybe not something new each day, but at least the choice of 3 or 4 daytime outfits and 2 different things for evening (for a week-long trip).

But what would I do differently after this past week?  I think I would pack fewer ‘insurance’ items; you know, things you pack just in case, but hope you don’t need.  When my little carry-on did arrive, I realised, yes, it was indeed very heavy.  Things I didn’t need and won’t pack again: cozy pjs when a t-shirt will do, flip-flops when cruise ships already offer slippers, & long underwear.  Okay, that last one sounds nuts; I can explain.  Nine years ago I was on an April cruise that turned out to be the coldest spring on record in eastern Europe.  God, we froze!  Our Aussie friend took to wearing some of his wife’s panti-hose under his jeans when we left the boat, as insulation.  This time we were going to be near the sea, and I had only packed a light trench coat, so I came prepared.  But I now realise that if it were colder than anticipated, I could always buy a long-sleeved Tee and tights in any town.  Ditto the hat and gloves I packed.  Those are all the items I call ‘insurance’ and from now on I will buy them only if needed. 

I have streamlined my technology down too – I’ve figured out how to manage with one less charger and two fewer cables.

I will bring fewer toiletries, but not a huge difference; as I said earlier, I’ve never been a big packer to begin with.

On the plus side: thank heavens I wore my comfy walking boots, and had my fleece over my arm on the plane.  I had two scarves with me and I used them to change my look each day – one woman commented that she hadn’t even noticed I was in the same black Tee and black jeans each day; she just noticed my ‘look’ changed thanks to the scarves.

Oh, and to every smug little madam on board who, when I had to ‘borrow’ an aspirin, or socks, or buy undies, said, “I always pack one or two in my carry on for just such an eventuality” – I DID pack all of that in carry-on, you mouth-breathing, middle-aged, middle-class moron, they MADE me check the little wheelie bag because the airplane was so small!  Sorry, but there was one wench who just kept . . . well, let it go, Elaine, let it go . . .

But that leads to one last lesson – re-distribution of goods.  I can’t help but wonder, on that first little plane out of Kirkwall, if I had put on my sweater and coat, if I had moved a couple of things to my big shoulder bag, if I had gone out to my car and jettisoned a couple of smaller items, would all of this turned out differently? 

That will certainly be part of my thinking on my next trip, that’s for sure.

I can’t believe that after the week I have had, the most dramatic part of the trip has turned out to be getting to the airport.

It started innocuously enough, up at 5:30, luggage in passageway by 6:00, breakfast at 6:15, on the bus by 6:45.  Made it to the airport in good time as it was Easter Sunday morning – no traffic.

Then things started going sideways.  First the bus driver announced the wrong Terminal for those of us flying BA – but we let that slide – either we misheard him, or we could walk from 2A to 2C as they’re side-by-side.  But then we drove past 2A, then 2C, then all the way over to 2D.  Okaaaay.  Then we looped ’round once more, altho on different levels.  Hunh.

Suddenly we’re heading back out of the main part of the airport toward the highway.  All this was happening without explanation from the driver – from where I was sitting, it sounded like he was chatting with some of the guests at the front of the bus – I would rather he had been concentrating on getting me to my terminal.  Then we looped back around again.  This time, we headed down a sideroad toward Deliveries where he stopped, then started a 17-point turn.  I should mention, this was a full-sized European coach tour-style bus.  We made it around so we were facing the way we’d come and headed back to the main part of the airport.  That’s when the police pulled us over, on one of those many one-way raised lanes that weave in and out of airports.  While one officer talked sternly to our driver, three other cops with flak jackets and automatic weapons prowled around us, peering under the bus and generally checking us and the environment out.  This was getting spicy!  Interestingly, if they feel they are being inconvenienced,  Parisian taxi drivers will honk at anyone, including fully armed, terrifying looking police officers. 

We outwitted the cops and headed back along the lanes of the airport.  Now he had picked up speed, and took a couple of curves at a fair clip (did I mention the size of our coach?). Suddenly, things started to come together.  We were on a lower level, a Uniworld representative got on board, and we were just waiting for the bus in front of us to hand off all its luggage to its departing guests.  Then the honking started again.  The bus in front of us took another 5 minutes to empty, to argue with some attendant, and to make a far tighter than 90 degree turn to get out of our way.

Finally we were off the bus.  Much later than hoped, but off the bus.

And yet, our problems weren’t over.  We had the most vague, non-committal, Uniworld rep in the world.  She drifted us toward our check in desks.  She has us wait off to one side because they weren’t open (yes, they were) – as with every Uniworld airport transfer I’ve ever had, this one was less than stellar.  We eventually abandoned her and just went to BA’s desk to check in.  Pathetic.  Although, in retrospect, a fitting close to an unusual holiday.

Ah well, I’ve got a boarding pass, I’m at our gate, and someone has just found a piano and is playing Pachelbel’s Canon in D.  All in all, things could be worse.

I have done river cruises with three different cruise companies: Uniworld, Viking, and CroisiEurope.  Each has its own characteristics / brand. 

CroisiEurope is a French company that caters to a primarily European clientele.  Its boats are smaller, tours and talks are conducted primarily in French, but they cater to English, German, & Spanish easily.  Some North Americans might not like certain components of the trip: for example, instead of a menu of multiple choices offered at each meal, there is a set menu posted in the morning for lunch & dinner and that’s what everyone has (they are very accommodating for individuals with dietary restrictions).  All the Europeans simply accept that, and for me, it meant I was having truly local cuisine made at a very high level. It is a specific experience for a specific target market and I would travel with them again, recognizing they’re not for everyone.  So, on to the big boys:

Viking is known as the master of the rivers.  They are not the most expensive, but they are everywhere, and I think they may have the most boats on European rivers.  I have taken at least a half dozen Viking cruises in at least a dozen countries.

Uniworld is considered a step above Viking.  It is more expensive and thought to be more upmarket.  This is my second Uniworld cruise: the first was in Vietnam and can’t really be compared to European cruises.

So, of the two, which is better?  Someone the other night said, Once you leave Viking for Uniworld, you will never go back.  Hmm, let’s see.  The upfront cost for Uniworld is definitely higher, but it does include gratuities (which do mount up), and the spirits package (which is important to me).  So that really does narrow the price gap.  It is an opulent-looking boat and it has amenities that the Viking ships don’t have: a spa/gym with dedicated masseuse/fitness expert; a pool (a v small one); self-serve laundry room; and a second, smaller bar (nice for nights when you don’t want to listen to the entertainment in the main lounge).

Viking has a much cleaner, lighter, Scandinavian look.  The staterooms are smaller, but for me, I truly don’t care about that, never have. The evening entertainment is both less intrusive (shorter, less in-your-face), and more regionally specific, which I really like.  I’ll take a 45 minute glass blowing demonstration over an evening of live pop music any day.  I think there is greater selection on the in-room TVs on Viking, but don’t quote me on that.

Both lines have very good tours and excursions, mostly included, with the occasional fee-based option.  No real difference there.

Two things really matter to me on a trip: food and staff.  The meals on this trip have been good.  Not exceptional, but definitely good (except last night’s bone-dry cod – I do think putting fish on a buffet when you don’t know when the bulk of the passengers are arriving home is not bright).  Interestingly, almost everyone I met on this boat felt that the author of any of Uniworld’s ‘signature’ dishes’ recipes, Bea Tollman, needs to hang up her apron (their words, not mine).  But I have to say the food on Viking is much better.  As well as the safe & standard dishes, they have far more regional choices, and I really think the quality of the food is better.  Viking wins that round, hands down.

And as for the staffing: again, everyone on this boat has been very nice.  When a small error was made in my room, it was fixed immediately, and a box of Valhrona chocolates was delivered to my room. Work is done efficiently and well.  But it just not the same vibe as Viking.  On Viking, the staff knows my name (and I usually know several of theirs), everyone is friendlier, the mood is lighter, there is a sense of all together-ness.  Here, the staff are pleasant and attentive.  But, when I sat at the captain’s table for breakfast (how was I to know the bell on the table wasn’t some sort of nautical decoration instead of a “Reserved for Senior Staff” sign?), I was very passive-aggressively made aware of my faux-pas.  And not only by wait staff, but later by a member of the senior sailing team.  Okaaaay.

Oh yes, I did just remember another issue: on both of my Uniworld cruises, the pick-up at the airport was very catch-as-catch-can.  One staff member acknowledged that even though they booked our flights, they had no way of knowing if a flight had been delayed, or if a guest was stuck at a baggage carousel. After much hemming and hawing on the part of the welcome rep as she made call after call, we eventually just left the airport one person short – I have no idea how she fared?

On the whole, I would say the experience on both cruise lines is exceptional. Neither one would be a mistake for anyone.  But to that woman’s comment about ‘never going back to Viking’, I disagree.  I far prefer Viking: the people, the food, the décor – in fact, the whole Viking experience, and I will be sticking with them going forward.

** NOTE: I have added photos to the previous cruise posts and will be uploading more to the Gallery later this week.

Met the nicest lady from Florida on our first evening on board – we’ve become fast friends ever since.  She likes wine, has a great sense of humour, and likes making fun of the same people I do.

I have always felt ordering ‘champagne’ sounds pretentious (and often inaccurate), so I always ask for a sparkling wine or a Prosecco.  I asked for a Prosecco on the second evening and heard the waiter call for “champagne”.  I’m in France, for God’s sake – it’s champagne, Elaine – anything else is just rude!

Met a couple who think Fauci invented COVID and should therefore be jailed.

I really like the windows in our staterooms – the top half lowers and you can lean on them and look out, or pull down a screen and just let the fresh air in.

Met a lady (southern US, I think), who was surprised Canada wasn’t part of the United States anymore.

Rarely do you see kids on a river cruise.  This week there is a nice family made up of:  grandparents, Mum & Dad, 11-yr old and 13-yr old.  It occurred to me that of all the river cruises the Seine might be the most educational (and hopefully interesting), with a lot of 20th century history. 

The ladies who are awaiting luggage still (on day 7) have refused to buy any new/interim clothes.  Ehhhh.

There is a lovely Mother/Daughter team from Florida & Reno – Mum has some health issues but they have found a way to make the trip work.

This is the first trip in 20+ years where I haven’t kept a paper diary, hence these random thoughts,  to help me remember people and events that weren’t in any of the posts.

It was on a cruise years ago that I first started to notice couples who helped validate my opinions on marriage.  On this boat there is one couple where the husband and wife are each ruder than the other.  I truly cannot imagine talking to someone all day every day in the same tone of voice as the wife uses.

The final evening’s dinner was spent with all the nice people I met onboard: 2 women from Boston, 2 women from Manchester and NH from Sarasota.  We had a lovely time – I hope we stay in touch.

You know how girls who are new friends get together to talk about boys and braid each other’s hair? Well, that is so last year.  It seems in a post-COVID world, we now get together to do COVID self-tests.  Friday morning, after breakfast, 24 hours before my first flight, in NH’s room.

It turns out I’m negative! Yippee!

I can fly home tomorrow with a clear conscience.

Did I mention that I’m sick? It started three days ago, as sniffles. I assumed it was perhaps allergies? The trees are all in bud here, and even tho my seasonal allergies are usually hay-fever in mid-August, who knows? these are different trees and plants – maybe I’m allergic to them.
Then the sneezing started. Okay, so maybe a head cold. But now I started to get worried. I am masked all the time on board and on tours, but not when eating. Ditto the rest of the passengers.
Thursday I felt a tickle in my throat. Crap. This does not bode well. I avoided people all day, having lunch at an outdoor patio in Rouen, rather than in the boat’s enclosed dining room. And the first thing I did upon receiving my suitcase (other than cuddle and carress it for five minutes) was a COVID test. Negative. Whew.
But by Friday night, it had turned into full blown laryngitis. I carried a series of notes to show people – one stated: LARYNGITIS – but don’t worry – my COVID test was negative; and another one said: Une champagne SVP ( I still have my priorities).

I went to bed very worried – what if it’s COVID & I can’t get home. I mean it’s not like the trip hasn’t already been one disaster after another – this would just be the icing on the cake.

Last night I wore two different outfits, just because I could (not simultaneously, of course – one for cocktails, and one for dinner). The three other ladies-sans-valises were both happy for me and a tad jealous.
Ditto today: my lounge-around-the-boat-as-we-cruise ensemble of the morning was different from my touring-Versailles outfit in the afternoon. No reason, just ’cause.

Of the three different tours one could do in Versailles, I opted for Marie Antoinette’s Petit Trianon & little hamlet. I’ve toured the palace before, and while I would have loved to have wandered the gardens (the last time I was here the gardens had been decimated by storms), this sounded more interesting.
And it was – a good guide, spectacular weather, and minimal crowds. The flowers have all started blooming and the little vegetable gardens had rows and rows of tiny lettuces and budding herbs and sprouts. Those aristocrats were something; until Louis XV came along, the nobility didn’t eat anything that grew in the ground – that was for peasants. They ate meat and fruit (not even any dairy really either) and that was pretty much it. But Louis XV started a vegetable garden and also made eating cheese and cream more the “In” thing.

It was the gala dinner in the evening – I think they must be short-staffed in the dining room – for the second time in 3 days I witnessed a waiter making his impatience with the guests very obvious?!?!
Was introduced to a quiet little bar at the back of the ship that I hadn’t seen before – how is it possible that I, Elaine Reid, missed a bar? Sacré Bleu !

I commented to someone that I was surprised at the percentage of Americans on this trip – there are 110 guests and of those: 4 are Canadian, 2 are British, 2 Brazilian, 2 from Singapore, and 2 from East Asia. That is unusual on these cruises; there is often more of a balance among nationalities. She pointed out that today is all about D-Day and the Normandy Invasion – it only makes sense at the larger percentage from the US. For today Uniworld organized 2 specific full-day excursions: one that focuses solely on US beaches and memorials, and one that focuses on Commonwealth beaches – the latter is a much shorter tour, so they add in the Bayeux Tapestry. I nearly went on the tour just for that; I would have loved to have seen it. But the beaches and the war don’t really interest me, I feel there is enough war in the world at the moment without my spending a whole day re-visiting one, and the bus trip was 6 hours (round trip), so 11 hours doing things I didn’t want to do just for 60 minutes at the tapestry didn’t make sense to me.
Instead I stayed in Rouen and wandered around. Jeez, these people were church-mad in the Middle Ages – at one point I thought I had got lost and ended up back at the same cathedral I had just visited, but then realized that, no, it was just another massive, yet equally stunning stone church less then 3 blocks from the cathedral. They are all very beautiful – I like thinking about the artisans and craftsmen who built these churches – altho the buildings are not to my taste, they are very, very beautiful. I had planned on dining in L’epicurius, a one-star Michelin starred restaurant (the website said open), but the sign on the door said closed for Easter week. Ah well, there was a creperie next door, so I sat on the terrasse, surrounded by locals, and had a lovely ham & cheese gallette and a glass of rosé. So French.

Eventually it was time to go back and unpack my suitcase. (I think we all know what’s coming next, don’t we?) Back onboard – no luggage.
It was 3:30 – we called the transport company who advised us that indeed, my suitcase was in Rouen. Yay! And they would deliver it tomorrow. Boo! We explained the boat would be gone by then, and were met with the telephonic version of the Gallic shrug. Qu’est-ce qu’on peut faire?

I asked if I could come and get it and was told, bien sûr. So the boat called me a taxi and off we went. 40 minutes to a little village in the middle of nowhere (I really thought he was trying to scam my fare) to the Chronopost outlet. They looked at me blankly when I asked for my suitcase. “No madame, il n’y a pas de valise ici.” When I just stood there, staring, she tried to explain in very broken English. “Non,” I said in French, “I understood you, I just can’t believe you”. She went on her system and said, oh yes, madame, Chronopost does have your suitcase, but not here in Crichebeuf; it’s in Petit Quevilly. Of course it is. I got back in the taxi (the meter was already at 60 Euros) and off we went. We drove and drove, and next thing I knew I was at a warehouse 5 minutes away from our boat, just across the river. My suitcase & I were re-united (it was a touching moment). And I headed back to our ship. That 1 & 1/2 hour, €118 trip could have been 20 minutes and €15. Ach weel, I have my clothes. Let me just say it again: I HAVE MY CLOTHES!
*Just to wrap up the Normandy beaches story – the others returned late in the evening and said it had been an informative, interesting and very moving day, so that’s nice.